


not broken

by nakymatonlapsi



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Asexuality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 12:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6194941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nakymatonlapsi/pseuds/nakymatonlapsi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seventeen-year-old Mako Mori is all she ever shaped up to be: Well on her way to graduating top of her class she’s headed straight for the Jaeger Academy, probably preparing to save the world someday. Mako is also currently sitting on Newt’s bunk in his tiny Shatterdome apartment and is in the process of quietly and very politely falling apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	not broken

**Author's Note:**

> tw for acephobia and internalised acephobia. (also tw for a brief mention of underage sex, just in case.)

Seventeen-year-old Mako Mori is all she ever shaped up to be: Bright and beautiful, disciplined, determined and oh-so-dedicated. Well on her way to graduating top of her class and completing pre-training with impeccable scores, there’s no doubt that she’s headed straight for the Jaeger Academy, probably preparing to save the world someday. Mako is also currently sitting on Newt’s bunk in his tiny Shatterdome apartment and is in the process of quietly and very politely falling apart. 

Newt isn’t entirely sure why she is here yet. He is also very much freaking out about not knowing how to fix it, whatever ‘it’ will turn out to be. It’s a friday night and the only reason Newt is in his stuffy little room at all is because Hermann is hogging the lab, performing an ineffective but PPDC-approved breach simulation and he has been unceremoniously shut out of his own working space.   The plan had been video games and tequila, but that was before Mako came in distressed, trying to hide it but very clearly crying actual tears.

The two of them have a precarious sort of relationship, one that in some aspects borders on brother and sister dynamics, but at the same time is infinitely more distant because Mako has always been very committed to her professionalism. They have bonded over pop-culture trivia and obscure indie bands, but they don’t really talk about personal stuff. 

Which is why this situation is so extremely out of character that Newt is totally not equipped to deal with it. The crisis protocol for this simply doesn't exist and Newt is sure he hasn’t seen Mako cry since she was twelve. Marshall Pentecost is going to kill him if he fucks this up. Hell, _he’s_ probably gonna be ready to beg for the Marshall to kill him if he lets Mako down.

 

_“Okay, dude. Uhm, Mako. Let’s...Are you okay, kid? Cause you don’t look okay if you don’t mind me saying.”_

 

Mako’s crying only increases in intensity. Clearly he isn’t doing this very well.

 

_“Shit, hey it’s okay. You want something to drink? Water i mean! Dude you’re underage, i’m not gonna give you any alcohol-”_

 

He grabs a mostly clean mug from his desk and fills it at the tab, handing it to Mako. She accepts it, takes a sip, and seems to make an effort to compose herself a little. Newt counts that as a success. 

 

_”Okay buddy, that’s better. You were scaring me for a moment there. Mind if i sit here?”_

 

He pats the bed next to her and she inclines her head slightly, indicating for him to sit. She has almost stopped crying by now, but he can see that she’s still only barely holding it together. 

 

_“Mako? What’s wrong?”_

 

For a second it seems like she is going to start freaking out again but then she breathes through the anxiety. She doesn’t meet his eyes as she whispers: 

 

_“I’m a monster.”_

 

Her voice sounds small and young and not at all like her. 

Newt is completely taken aback.

 

_“What? Wait is this kaiju related? Has something happened with the breach?”_

 

She shakes her head. 

 

_“This is not about the breach. It’s about me. About me being….wrong.”_

 

He stares at her. Mako’s still not looking at him, gripping the metal bed frame with both hands, knuckles white. Newt realizes that she’s trying very hard to stop herself from shaking.

 

_“Wrong?”_ he asks carefully.

 

_“Why do you think you’re...wrong?”_

 

_“Because i am. broken. Not functioning right. Not the way im supposed to.”_

 

He regards her searchingly, looking for clues, anything to understand what this is about, what has filled her voice with so much disgust and fear and self-loathing. Newt carefully probes further:

 

_“Not functioning in what way, Mako?”_

 

He looks at her downturned head despairingly. For a moment, he doesn’t think she’s going to answer at all, but then she let’s out a sob. 

 

_“Sex. Not functioning in a sex way.”_ breaks out of her. 

 

Oh, Newt is so not equipped to tackle this. So 100% not. Mako couldn’t have come to a worse person. 

 

_“Sex? Like...you...tried having it and it didn’t..function? Uhm... so these things.. take practice?”_

 

He _thinks_ they do, anyways. 

 

Mako violently shakes her head. 

 

_“That worked.”_

 

She pronounces the word ‘that’ with the utmost disdain she can muster. 

 

_“The mechanics of it, they work.”_

 

_“....okay?”_

 

Newt is completely at loss. 

 

_“Then what…? Mako, did something happen??? Did someone do something-”_

 

_“NO. Nobody did anything, okay?! I’m just. Not Working.”_

 

She is shaking right now but she forces herself to go on.

 

_“I just don’t. Want it. Feel it. Understand why other people have sex. I’m supposed to want it, right? But I DONT. I’m wrong and I can’t want it and I’m just. Disgusting. Like i’m…not...human.”_

 

There are more sobs now, she’s pressing her nails into the balls of her hands to stop them, but it doesn’t seem to be working. She looks so young and so miserable and Newts heart breaks for her. Carefully he reaches out and uncurls her hands. The situation seems suddenly a whole lot clearer to Newt and, in hindsight, he might actually be perfectly well equipped for this talk. 

In as gentle a voice as he can he says: 

 

_“Mako, you don’t want sex? You don’t feel sexual attraction? Have you heard of the term asexuality?”_

 

She stares at him. Shakes her head. Looks very cautious and a tiny bit hopeful. 

 

_“Dude, so, asexuality. It means not having any sexual attraction to anyone. It’s a sexual orientation, kid. Perfectly standard, normal. Nothing broken. Everything functioning. It’s just a preference you have.”_

 

He smiles at her. Then he adds: 

 

_“Seriously though, if anyone has been a dick to you about this, I will drown them in kaiju blue. You are NOT wrong. You are NOT broken.”_

 

Newt is startled by the two slender arms that suddenly wrap around his torso and hold on too hard. Carefully, he puts his arms around her. 

 

_“Hey, it’s okay. It’s fine. Everything is fine.”_

 

He thinks that maybe Marshall Pentecost will not kill him after all. Mako seems pretty attached right now. She turns her head into his chest. Her words are muffled and all he can make out is: 

 

_“....not a monster.”_

 

She sounds a lot less panicked than moments ago though. It takes her a few minutes to speak:

 

_“They all assumed i was just too busy. People. At school. But i wasn’t interested. Am not. Interested. But they kept asking and I thought I needed to. To placate them. So I slept with this boy. It wasn’t horrible. But I didn’t feel anything. And then he wanted to do it again. And I told him i didn’t feel that way about him. Or anyone. And then-“_

 

She pauses and is silent for a minute. When she continues her voice is carefully void of any emotion. 

 

_“He was calling me a robot and a frigid bitch. And. Malfunctioning.”_

 

He hugs her even tighter, if at all possible. 

 

_“Kaiju blue, remember. Just say the word.”_

 

She smiles a little. Let’s go of him, but stays close, nestled to his side. 

 

_“Do you really think it’s okay?”_

 

Newt grins at her, ruffles her hair. 

 

_“Are you kidding? It’s A-okay. Believe me, I would know. Being ace is fine. Pretty great actually. Less time consumed by annoying attraction means there’s more time to dedicate to science._

 

_…Or Jaeger training”_ he amends. She stills looks a little sceptical. Raw. 

 

_“Hey.”_ he says. _“I would know. I’ve been ace for 26 years. That’s a long time spent being both incredibly awesome and extremely asexual.”_

 

The next day, Newt helps Mako dye her hair purple. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, let me know what you think in a comment or find me at schuylerangelica on tumblr :)


End file.
